I have been struggling, again, with the tuition that we pay for Faith’s school. I know that it is terrible to complain about such a “problem of privilege”. Many would love to have this internal struggle. I know that she is supposed to go to this Christian school. She loves it and I love it. The Lord has provided the money for her tuition for two years in a row. He has even given us the money early so that we can pay it up front before the school year even starts. So what is my problem? My problem is the self sacrifice that I have to give. For Faith to go to this school I have to give up having a new kitchen, driving a nice car or going on a nice vacation. It is I that has to sacrifice in order to give my daughter the best that I can.
Today at Community Bible Study I had a revelation. I was reading the verse that says, “where your treasure is, there your Heart will be also.” One of the ladies in my group said, that earthly treasure is temporary and asked “what is our treasure?” I realized that my treasure is a new kitchen, a nice vacation, or a car. That is only a treasure of wordly items. Those are things that break and get old. The real treasure is Faith going to a beautiful, loving, Christ-centered school where she is cared for and loved, and treated like the child of God that she is. That is a treasure that is worth spending money on and a treasure does not rust or fade. It is a treasure that you can take with you when you die.
Today I was finally able to see in written Word exactly how I was feeling. I knew that I was being selfish and jealous. I knew that this was not how God wanted me to act and feel. I knew these things but couldn’t help it. I am still going to struggle every year with this cost (and it is only going to get worse with each child), but now I know that God is calling me to put away my earthly desires and focus on His desires. He desire for me to send my child to a Christian school. He even blesses me with the tuition by the end of the school year so that I can put it behind me and not pay each month, which would be a constant reminder. I have to “trust in The Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding” Proverbs 3:5.
I feel blessed and at peace with our decision to send Faith to Covenant Day School again next year. I will continue to pray that God will take away my desire for wordly things and treasures here on earth. Wanting things is not wrong, but if it over-rules what God wants then it needs to change. Thankfully, God’s Word also says “Delight yourselves in The Lord and He will give you the desire of you heart”. I know that as I continue to do His will for my children and myself, he will still grant me that new kitchen….:)