Control and the Daily Grind

Over the last two weeks life has really picked up.  Not only did Faith and Wilson started a new school two weeks ago, but this week I began to work at the preschool.  As a result, I have driven around town more than I have ever cared to drive.  I leave our house at 7:15am, drive 25 minutes out of town to the kids new school, and then turn around and drive 40 minutes (past our house) towards uptown to my preschool job.  Anyone that knows me well knows that I don’t like to drive more than fifteen minutes in any one direction.  I typically stick to a 6 mile radius and consider anything above that, “way too far away.”  Over the last two weeks I have had to drastically change my opinion of “too far”.

I am sure that I will eventually get used to the new activities and schedules, it just seems a bit overwhelming at this point.  Of course, every time I drive to Metrolina I think to myself, “If we lived at the new house we would be at the school by now.”  All of this driving has really made me want to move even more.  We have not found a new buyer for our current home which means that we cannot buy the one we want yet.  We have been given an extension by the owner but we only have until the end of September and then we lose the hold on the house that we want to buy.   It is a bit stressful, to say the least.

I don’t like being in limbo with out a plan. I find myself constantly checking my phone to see if there is a showing or an offer on our house.  It’s like deep down I somehow think I will get an email stating that I have won the lottery or something.  Like some magical email will come along and change everything.  Today I literally had to tell myself, “There is nothing in this phone that will change your life.  You are looking in the wrong direction.”  Instead of looking to my phone for answers or for a distraction, I need to be looking up towards the heavens.  I need to be praying that my house will sell or that the Lord will give me a clear direction or path.  I need to take some time to read my Bible and to be still.  I cannot continue to spin my wheels and think that I can make things change just by being busy.  It says in the Bible to “Be still and know that I am God.”  I need to be still.  It is very hard for me to sit still, ever.  I am constantly doing something, even if it doesn’t need to be done.  I feel like I am in control if I am working.  In reality, we are in control of very little in our lives.  My dad’s analogy is that we are like an ant on a log that is going down stream, thinking that we are steering the log.  We all like to be in control – it makes us feel strong and secure – solid.

Today I realized that I need to relinquish control to the Lord.  He’s got this.  I am so blessed to even have these problems.  I am not going to worry about or try to plan out my next few months.  I am going to drive all around town and be thankful that I have money for gas, a good school for my kids, a house that I like, and a job that I enjoy.  I will “be still” more often and be in the presence of God throughout my day.  I know that God has a plan for our family – I just have to trust each step that He tells me to take..and then walk.

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