Tag Archives: no

Yes and No

Some where along the way I heard a parenting tip: say ‘yes’ more than you say ‘no’. I have really taken this to heart and fully believe in the theory behind it. For example, I have a friend that was saying “no” to simple things like when her child would ask for an apple right after lunch. There is no harm in having an apple. Parents need to say “yes” to the simple things so that when we say “no”, the kids know that we really mean it. Of course my kids will still try to persuade me but they know that I will typically stick to my guns because I don’t say “no” too often. On some topics they know to ask Daddy first, especially when it comes to eating sweets or getting a treat. He likes to spoil them in that way and I always thinks about what’s in the treat and always say “no”. It’s my thing.

Lately there have been things that I have wanted to say “no” to but thought that saying “yes” would be more fun and a something that I should allow them to do. These two things made me a cool mom that day and we had fun together. Here are two examples:

I said yes to wet slide….
I picked wilson up from school after it had rained all morning. He asked me if we could go to the playground next to the school so that he could “go down a water slide”. He was asking if he could go down the slides that were full of water at the playground. I wanted to say “no”, but thought that there was really no harm in him getting cold and wet if he was having fun. So I said “sure!”. He went down every slide, got soaked, had fun, and we went home to take a warm bath. Totally worth the extra effort on my part.


Yes to swimming…

Faith asked if we could go swimming at the Y one afternoon. I was very tempted to say no because I don’t like to go to the pool, especially in the winter. But, I agreed, packed up our stuff and headed to the Y. It was such fun! The four of us swam in the pool for over an hour. I really enjoyed spending that time with them and would go back to do it again. So glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone to do something fun with the kids.


I am sure that I have many more examples of saying yes when I want to say no. “Can we take the cushions off the couch?” is one I hear quite often. :). Sometimes I really have to weigh the costs before I answer their requests. I ask myself “would it be so bad to say “yes” right now?” If it doesn’t require me to do too much extra work, involve sweets, or put the kids in danger then the answer is probably “yes”.

Two weeks with no TV

We have been without television for exactly two weeks. It is the best decision that we have made in a long time. Within two days of the tv going off, the kids stopped asking for it. Their imaginations have been used so much more. That Saturday they put on a parade and a show for us. The mornings flow smoother and there is less crying now that the tv isn’t on. At night, instead of having movie night the kids play Monster with Tom or go to bed earlier. It has truly made the house calmer and quieter.

As for Tom and I, we miss the tv more than the kids. We really like our night time routine of vegging out in front of the TV. Although I miss it, it has been great having it off. Tom and I talk on the couch after the kids go to bed and spending more quality time together. I have tried reading but can’t really get into the book that I have started. I need a new one. Sometimes we end up sitting next to each other while doing different things. It is very quite, but sometimes I find myself sitting on the couch not wanting to read or think…my brain hurts to much. This is when I really want to tune out the world and watch TV. Eventually I find something to do or I go to bed. I have yet to find what entertains me. I am getting the itch to paint something so Tom better watch out! It may be project time again.

All in all, having the TV off has been a great idea. After the six weeks I am sure it will go back on again but some of these patterns will stick. Overall I have seen a great and positive change in the house and I know that will we not go back to the way it was.

No More TV

My nightly routine is as follows:  I put the kids to bed from 7:00-8:30.  At 8:30, it is ‘Becca Time’.  This occurs whether or not everyone is asleep.  I officially take myself off Mommy Duty at 8:30.  By that point I am tired and have been a Mommy for almost 14 hours. My patience and energy are completely gone and I am done!  Around 8:30pm I stroll into the kitchen, make myself a margarita, pop some popcorn, and sit in front of the television until 10:00pm.  I watch mindless shows – some are silly and others are a series that we are into.  We are currently almost through season one of Six Feet Under.  So when Tom asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to give up TV for Lent my first reaction was “No way!”  I think I literally said, “What would we do at night?”  His answer was “read books, play games, have sex, and sleep more.”  Those are all great things, but I really enjoy my one hour of mindlessness each night.  It is my escape from a busy, loud, and mentally overwhelming day.  I told him that I would have to think about it.

Giving up something for Lent has never happened in my life.  I typically feel that Lent is a made up period of time that Christians came up with.  It isn’t biblical, in my view.  I also know that I have so few vices these days that if I were to give one of them up I would be depriving myself of one of the few things that I enjoy in life.  Most people give up things like sugar, alcohol, caffeine….things I am not willing to give up.  Tom doesn’t give stuff up typically either, especially not TV.  He likes it more than I do…..I was surprised that he even suggested it and even more surprised that I was the one to shoot down the idea.

The television is something I have wanted to shut off for a while now.  Wilson relies on it pretty heavily.  He loves to watch his TV shows in the morning before school and in the afternoon if he can’t come up with something to do.  I love it because it entertains him so that I can sleep longer or make breakfast alone.  Tom and I haven’t spent much quality time together after the kids go to bed because the TV is on and he falls asleep after about thirty minutes.  The only hour that we have to spend together during the day is consumed by a giant screen on the wall.  Not the worst of habits, but not the best of them either.

After Bible study on Thursday morning I was talking to my good friend Sidney.  She and I have a lot of the same views and have known each other since birth.  She mentioned that their household was giving up TV until Easter.  I was amazed!  They enjoy the TV more than we do.  I knew that it was a big sacrifice.  It also reminded me of when we were in high school and our two families had a “no TV for a week” challenge.  We thought we would never make it a week without TV…and that was in the 1980s!  Sidney inspired me to rethink Tom’s idea to give up TV for the six weeks before Easter.  I knew that giving up TV would improve my marriage.  I knew that it would improve my home life.   I definitely knew that it would improve Wilson’s ability to play with his toys and learn to entertain himself better.  The only downfall would be that I couldn’t self medicate with a little mindlessness after a busy day…..not much of a downfall when you think about it.

I called Tom and told him that I thought that we should turn off the TV and he agreed.  The next challenge was to get the kids to buy into it.  I decided that in the car was the best time to do it.  As I drove them all home from school that afternoon I told them that Lent was a time for people to reflect on their lives.  A time to see what they were doing well and what needed improvement.  I told them that people often gave something up for Lent because Jesus gave up His life for us and we should give something up too.  They were very receptive to this idea.  Faith’s first idea was to give up a toy that she never played with anyway.  Not quite what I was looking for but she was getting there.  I then told them that Tom and I thought that we should turn off the television for the next six weeks.  Wilson immediately began to cry.  Poor thing.  He is so sweet and so cute when he cries, but he really loves his TV.   He seemed better after I told them that they could each pick and watch one “Good-bye TV” television show.  It was the grand finale show that would hold them over until Easter.  They did it and there were no more tears.

We are now 24 hours into the TV fast.  It really hasn’t been that difficult.  Wilson woke up this morning, didn’t ask for the TV, and he came into the kitchen with me to help make breakfast.  I was amazed!!  No one asked for it this afternoon when it was cold and rainy either.  I had to go out tonight to a class and when I came home Tom had rearranged the furniture so that the fireplace was the main focal point of the living room and not the television.  I may even cover it up with some of the kids art work or something.  We will see what becomes of it over the next month and a half. This is a major decision for our family.  I know that it will be so beneficial for all of us.   Right now it is 9:20pm and everyone is asleep except for me.  That is fine with me.  It is nice to sit on the couch, enjoy the quiet and type out some of my thoughts.  So far, we are doing amazingly well without the television.  Who knows, maybe we won’t want it back…..